Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.

Nothing left to add this Father’s Day

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Imported Photos 00068For days I’ve felt Father’s Day coming. And I’ve tried to conjure up a Father’s Day post, something sweet and reminiscent like I wrote last year. But for some reason I just don’t have anything profound to say. Nor anything less stirring. This year my mind can’t get around the fact that he’s not here.

He should be.

I should be able to give him a call, send him a card, even go for a visit. A couple weeks ago I did an interview and at the end the reporter asked me to send her pictures of me and dad. I realized I didn’t really have any of him and me together, just the two of us. I thought to myself that I should get a few taken next time I was home.

And then I remembered. Again. I have to keep remembering over and over and it’s just as painful each time.

Imported Photos 00095

I can’t make any more pictures. Can’t make any more memories. What I have is all there will be. All there will ever be.

I know I’m lucky that I have the vast number of memories and life experiences that our family created over the decades. Some people don’t have any memories at all. But I’m feeling greedy and wish there could be more.

1987 Dad skiing 4

He was a good man, a good provider, a good dad. He was doing the best he could to adjust to the loss of his life partner, my mom, when he was taken from us.

He should still be here.

This Father’s Day seems harder for me than most of the last twelve that our family has managed to get through. I don’t know why. But I know that tomorrow will be better. And I know we were lucky to have had him at all.

Still, I wish he was here today.

1985 Dad laughing at the lake

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Author: dawnkinster

I'm a long time banker having worked in banks since the age of 17. I took a break when I turned 50 and went back to school. I graduated right when the economy took a turn for the worst and after a year of library work found myself unemployed. I was lucky that my previous bank employer wanted me back. So here I am again, a long time banker. Change is hard.

8 thoughts on “Nothing left to add this Father’s Day

  1. ((((hugs))) to you. I understand. I lost my Father in 2001. I’m so sorry

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  2. Aw, Dawn, pass over the tissues. I lost my dad eight years ago, and I, too, miss him every day. Yes, we’re fortunate to have had them as fathers; blessed to have had them part of our lives for as long as we did. Still, like you say, that’s not enough. I want more! Sending virtual hugs your way from steamy Central Illinois.

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  3. I know how you feel, there is hole in our hearts when our dad’s aren’t there. Both my wife and I have lost our dads in last few years and it’s a challenge. Change is, indeed, hard. I have spent the day sort of ambling about the house. It’s a beautiful day and I am enjoying watching a baseball game on the radio… Remembering both of my dads and my mother in law. Peace to you and your family on this Father’s Day.

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  4. Hugs to you Dawn. I’m glad you do have some photos of him at least. And this makes me glad I always grab photos with my parents when I get the chance. I know I won’t always.

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  5. hugs to you is all I can say

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  6. Pingback: The Father’s-Day-Pain From a Loss That Could Have Been Prevented | AnnaLeah & Mary

  7. I have just entered that world. Cancer rather than a semi, but still, Father’s Day is a strange beast now. Sympathy on your dad’s loss.

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