Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.

When the future is uncertain

30 Comments

Autumn light catches color.

Autumn light catches color.

I suppose the future is uncertain for everyone, after all tomorrow is not promised. But when you’re 101 the future is even less certain.

I wonder what that feels like.

We grow up looking forward into forever. When we’re five we can’t wait until we’re 10, excited by those double digits. And then we want to be sixteen so that we can drive a car and eighteen so we can vote, and twenty-one so we can legally celebrate with a beer.

Golden glow tinged with red.

Golden glow tinged with red.

And the future stretches out forever into the horizon.

Then suddenly you’re closing in on one hundred, then a hundred and one, and you’ve outlived most of your siblings, many of your friends. Your only child. And you remember the smallest details about the century just past, the events, the places you’ve lived, the places you’ve left. So many people that are now gone.

Purple focus.

Purple focus.

You don’t see so well now, you’re uncertain who is entering your space, and family and friends announce themselves and you smile and nod, glad of the company, the time to talk, to tell some of the stories, some of the things you have stored in your mind.

You know time is passing, that your body is becoming more frail, that a fall will likely cause you to lose the last bits of independence you enjoy now. You’re careful. Still, it is inevitable.

Early morning light shimmers.

Early morning light shimmers.

And when you fall you hesitate to push the button for help. You know it will mean leaving your home behind, perhaps for the last time. You’ll be leaving all that is familiar and under your control.

You know you’ll no longer be able to make all the decisions, that you’ll have to live somewhere else. Somewhere different and less private with less privileges and fewer friends near.

Lonely.

Lonely.

But you push the button.

And now things are being sorted out and you wish you could go home but that’s probably not an option. And the future looks different than you wished it could be but maybe that doesn’t matter so much anymore.

Maybe you’ll be fine for the time you have left no matter where you end up, as long as your friends and family still come to visit and you all get to tell the stories of the old days and remember the good times.

Standing proud.

Standing proud.

Maybe you’ll be fine. Because no mater the length of time allotted your future still stretches into the horizon.

Note: Many of you have read and care about Aunt V. She’s in a rehab center now and things are being sorted out.

She’s being brave, but change is hard.

Pink.  A favorite color.

Pink. A favorite color.

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Author: dawnkinster

I'm a long time banker having worked in banks since the age of 17. I took a break when I turned 50 and went back to school. I graduated right when the economy took a turn for the worst and after a year of library work found myself unemployed. I was lucky that my previous bank employer wanted me back. So here I am again, a long time banker. Change is hard.

30 thoughts on “When the future is uncertain

  1. Gorgeous. This time of year is fantastic
    Woof,
    Lily & Edward

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  2. Dear Aunt Vi! I didn’t know about her fall but knew right away at the beginning of today’s post that it was about her. And really, it’s about all of us, isn’t it? If we’re lucky enough to live so long and hold onto our memories.

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    • Yes, this is really about all of us if we’re lucky enough to live so long. Though both Aunt V and my grandmother cautioned me against getting that old. They both said that it was too hard. Though it’s difficult for me not to strive to make it to 100. I guess it depends on how healthy I was at that age. But other than her body just wearing out Aunt V is in pretty good health.

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  3. Sorry to hear about Aunt Vi. She’s probably worried less about the situation than you are.

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    • When we thought that we knew which place she would ultimately be in she did seem relieved. But now that isn’t going to work out and people are still working on figuring out where exactly she will end up. I think not knowing is worse.

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  4. As I read, I knew what was coming, but still I hoped not. I am so sorry to hear this news and will pray for her strength, peace, and happiness.

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  5. Wishing all the best for Aunt Vi.

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  6. I know this is hard but I just want to tell you something that may make you feel better. I have a friend. Her mom has needed help for some time. She moved into her neighborhood, to be close by. During the week they paid to have a health care worker in the home. But every weekend, each of the girls, there are 4, would take a weekend and spend the whole weekend taking care of their mom. Her mom lost her sight. The family continued to do this for years. They knew their mom wanted to stay in her own home and not have to go to a center. So everyone worked hard to keep her there. But her mom began to have trouble remembering things and was falling down a lot. It came time to have to move her into a home. They all felt so guilty. Guess what? it was the best thing for thier mom. And they should have done it sooner. She is so much happier. She gets dressed everyday and goes to eat in the lunch room, with everyone. She has friends again, things she looks forward to. Its been wonderful.
    My cousin also was feeling bad about moving their mom into a home. My Uncle had died a couple of years ago and she wasnt able to stay alone anymore. Guess what, they said they haven’t seen their mom this happy in a long time. She has friends again. Things to do, activities and friends to spend time with.
    I hope his gives you some hope. Thinking of you and Aunt Viv.

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    • Thank you Diana. This was very helpful and made me feel a little better. She does seem relieved in a manner, that some things are being decided that she’s been worrying about for a very long time.

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  7. Change is hard. I hope things get sorted out for Aunt V and things work out for her.

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  8. I’m sorry to hear about Aunt V. I can barely imagine being in that situation. Watching my parents go through it, more or less, is plenty stressful enough, and not knowing entirely how best to support my mom. Wishing Aunt V. the best.

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  9. This is the second thing I’ve read today that has made me cry. And I specifically have avoided election-related things.
    How would your Aunt Vi feel about a card from a person who knows her niece? If she wouldn’t think that strange, I’d love to have her address. You know how to find me to pass it along 😉

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    • Awwww…didn’t mean to make you anyone cry. But it sure is difficult. I think if you send the card to her in care of me and I take it to her and explain that you’re a friend of mine she would be fine. I think if it just shows up she will be confused. Plus we don’t really have an address for her yet, as she’s not where she will be and we don’t know when the move will occur. Thank you very much for the kind thoughts.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I’m so sorry about Aunt V. Change is indeed hard. I have a neighbor who turns 101 in about two weeks. Still in his own home, still driving (imagine that!!). We don’t all live the same, nor do we all age the same. Trying to stay upright with one’s feet firmly planted beneath seems to be the biggest challenge. Here’s hoping Aunt V. improves soon. Lovely Fall photos, Dawn!

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    • Wow. Still driving? We convinced her about 5 maybe more years ago to stop driving. Her eyesight has deteriorated so much that now she agrees we were right, though at the time she was not happy about the decision. It was a big thing to give up. Still, we told her that no matter who was at fault in any accident she was in, she would get blamed as the ‘elderly’ driver. She did love living in her own apartment though, and now that is another huge thing to give up. Along with her bird who has gone to live with a neighbor of hers. I know she misses him something fierce.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Great fall pics. I am sure living to that age would be such an amazing experience no one in my family has ever done it.

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  12. Hope and love can work wonders.

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