I can’t watch TV anymore.
Round the clock news is filled with plane crashes and carjackings and runaways and murder trials and even worse, war. Up close and personal reports of war and the ordinary people that seem to be paying the price for leadership failure. Nonstop footage of dead and dying children. Interviews with mothers and fathers – you don’t have to speak their language to know what they are saying. To feel their grief.
Last night Anderson Cooper asked an onsite reporter the question I wanted to ask; where do regular people go to get away from the falling bombs? Nowhere is safe was the response from the corespondent wearing his helmet and bullet proof vest, instinctively flinching as incoming missiles shake the earth and light up the sky behind him.
Nowhere is safe.
I know I am not educated enough in the history behind the Palestine/Israeli conflict. It is generations deep and I don’t understand where it all comes from. But I listen to the leaders on each side being interviewed and I don’t see how it can be resolved. Everyone is so entrenched in their opinion of who is right and who is wrong. No one seems to be willing to listen to the other side. The cease fires expire or are broken, more warning sirens scream, more illumination missiles are shot into the air above Gaza, more people flee. Some don’t get away in time.
And I post pictures of baby deer and Katie and walks in the park and flowers in the garden and try not to think about the reality of life 7 or 8 hours ahead of my own time zone. Because I don’t know what to think about all of it; I can’t even talk about it intelligently. But I can say that it feels wrong – wrong on both sides. And that innocent people are dying and maybe it’s not our problem but then again I think maybe it is.
Not watching TV feels wrong too.
I am conflicted myself, not sure if I want to understand more of something that seems so unresolvable, but thinking I should learn about something so important. And then feeling overwhelmed by all the important things in the world that I don’t understand.
Which brings me full circle. I don’t know what to think.