Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.

Musings on a walk

20 Comments

It’s a very stressful week for me at work.  There are all sorts of opportunities to work early, late, and through lunch.  Today I put on my sneakers at 12:30 and walked out the door for a break even though there was much work still to be done.

I haven’t been on a walk at lunch for two weeks and my feet told me they had to readjust to the orthotics.  A familiar ache immediately set in along the arch of my right foot.  The breeze was cool and I wished I had brought my sweater so I picked up the pace.  The foot protested.

I went past the elementary school, the first time I’ve been by since the kids are back at school, and noticed the adult charged with watching the kids standing in the middle of a swirl of spinning, shrieking, running, twirling laughing children.   She was engrossed in her cell.  Texting I supposed, or checking emails.  It seemed early in the school year for her to be so bored with the children playing around her.

I moved on to the creek that dissects the neighborhood’s condo project.  I always stand on the little bridge there for awhile, watching the water flow  below me.  Today it was clear and swift, full of yesterday’s rain.  It’s just a little creek, but I’ve seen lots of people stop and stare down into it on their lunch walks.  I wondered why people are so drawn to water.

Onward I noticed that I was still walking fast, my shoulders up around my ears.  This was not turning into a restorative walk.  Years ago I used to go to a restorative yoga class on Sunday mornings even though it was a 45 minute drive each way.  At the end of the session, when we were all lying still, the music soft, the instructor’s voice asking us to relax each part of our bodies I used to cry.  Big slow tears would leak from my closed eyes and run into my ears.  I was so exhausted from the week and so grateful for the Sunday morning respite.    I haven’t been back in many years.  Today on my walk I consciously lowered my shoulders and took a deep breath.

At my normal busy day turn around point my body began to turn but my feet kept going.  They chose to take the long way back to the office.  I was a little late back from lunch.  So be it.

Back at work the phone was ringing and I had voice mail.  There were two instant messages waiting.  And the email problem I was in the middle of solving when I stood up and walked out was still there, along with several others.   Nothing was different.

Except me.

I took another deep breath and began again.

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Author: dawnkinster

I'm a long time banker having worked in banks since the age of 17. I took a break when I turned 50 and went back to school. I graduated right when the economy took a turn for the worst and after a year of library work found myself unemployed. I was lucky that my previous bank employer wanted me back. So here I am again, a long time banker. Change is hard.

20 thoughts on “Musings on a walk

  1. Brilliant move: problems will always be there. Learning to take personal time is very wise Young Grasshopper.

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  2. Oh my I do remember those forever long days. It strikes me that any job tied to the real estate market is an invitation to stress – too often self-preservation requires turning your back and taking a walk is the only sanity preserver.

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  3. I think simply getting out of the building and into the fresh air will do anyone a load of good. Wish I were a gym teacher sometimes, so I could get outside more often. All I get is a brisk walk across the quad to get to class and avoid hallway traffic. Always hard to go back in the building once I’m out, especially on these gorgeous september days.

    Restorative yoga sounds fantastic! I do Donna Eden’s five minute energy routine every morning, but the only time I feel completely relaxed is during acupuncture treatments. I walk out of there feeling like I’m walking on air.

    Take it easy Dawn.

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  4. I often wish I could work again…I think how I miss the people interaction and such – but then I read this and think how lucky I really am. I get to walk every day with the boys – and do the little things I love doing. Sometimes you just need to set a rule and stick to it – I will not work though MY lunch break sounds like a good one.

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  5. I stepped out of my demanding job into a much less fulfilling, but much easier to walk away from job. I miss my former life, but not as much as I appreciate actually being able to take some me time. I hope your walk becomes a daily “me” ritual – or at least part of it, where you can reach back to the peace of restorative yoga. It’s good for your soul, and will likely make you better at your job, too.

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  6. Sounds as if you ought to think seriously about rejoining that restorative yoga class, Dawn. Lying on the floor with sweet music playing in the background and tears of joy streaming down your face might be just the medicine you need!

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  7. I changed jobs – searching for that elusive “it” – then resigned and took a year off to write. Then low and behold, I went back to teaching – the job I had left four years before. Is the grass really always greener, or is it Lady Longing, as Kathy calls her? ❤

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    • Isn’t that the way it works. I quit my job in the mortgage industry in 2006 and went back to grad school at the age of 50. Graduated, found a job, got laid off, was unemployed for a year and went back to the mortgage industry doing essentially the same thing 3 years ago. The grass might be greener but for me it was also leaner.

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  8. Thanks for letting us know about Jake.

    Dog Dad & the Collies

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  9. Sometimes a walk is just what we need, if we can relax and breathe a bit. Sorry it’s a stressful time at work. It sounds like you know what you need to do next time you find yourself tense and you can open the door and walk outside…

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