Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.

Having a Mom moment

21 Comments

I was driving home from doggie school this morning when suddenly I missed my Mom so much.   I don’t know what triggered it; maybe I saw something that unconsciously reminded me of her, or perhaps I heard something on the radio.  I just don’t know.  Do you ever have moments like that out of the blue?

Mom died almost nine years ago and in the beginning I had “Mom moments” like this all the time and just about anywhere I went.  Seemed like everything reminded me of her whether I was at the grocery store or in the back yard.  You could catch me crying at the oddest things and in the strangest places.   As the years passed those overwhelming moments came less frequently and were less painful.  Mostly now I remember things about her that make me smile.

Sometimes it seems Mom gets lost in all the stuff we do for truck safety which centers around Dad and the crash that took him from us.  That work keeps Dad near the front of our minds as we work capital hill or write about truck issues from home.  We’re always describing the crash and Dad and why change is so important.  We don’t have a similar cause for what took Mom but her loss is just as keenly felt.

I remember a couple of years after they both died while having a bad moment I thought I’d just call Mom and ask  how long it took her to recover from Grandma’s death, sort of ask for a road map for parental grief.  It seemed like a good idea and made me feel better to think about talking to her.  For a moment.  Until I remembered again that the time to ask those kinds of questions was gone.

Today, years after she left, I am surprised at the intensity of my Mom moment.   I didn’t mind when it descended on me during the drive, it felt strangely nice and rather familiar to be back in the throes of grief, as if I were giving her due, her share of attention, making sure she is still included in my life.  We’re planning our next trip to Washington, so Dad is right there as usual and maybe this was a reaction to dredging up those memories again.   Or maybe it was just a random thing totally unrelated.

Or maybe, sometimes, a girl just misses her Mom.

Braun and Badger 047

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Author: dawnkinster

I'm a long time banker having worked in banks since the age of 17. I took a break when I turned 50 and went back to school. I graduated right when the economy took a turn for the worst and after a year of library work found myself unemployed. I was lucky that my previous bank employer wanted me back. So here I am again, a long time banker. Change is hard.

21 thoughts on “Having a Mom moment

  1. Look at that snow!!!!! Over her knees. Now that’s some real snow.

    Hugs to you Dawn. Grief can creep up at any moment, and sometimes feeling sad can feel good. Validates the love, the loss, and the enduring connection we will always have, no matter how much time has passed.

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  2. Mommy is thankful she still has her mom. Mommy thought of her dad today who died 12 years ago. She was watching a VHS tape of Ukrainians singing christmas carols. That’s something her dad used to do. He loved watching those VHS tapes. Watching the show was sad yet happy all at the same time. Hard to explain. Happy to remember her dad watching those VHS tapes years ago, but sad because he isn’t around to watch them again. It’s something how a VHS tape can trigger such memories. Must have been something like your mom moment.

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  3. After Joe died being caught up and tossed around in a whirl wind of unexpected grief happened so frequently, and was so overwhelming I would stay home to avoid them, in public, but over time I realized my best course of action was through and not around…surrendering instead of fighting. 4 years later life is less intense but those moments still happen and I rarely understand what triggers them. My 16 year old has a friend who lost her dad last year and she said to him, “I use to wonder how often you thought about your dad…and now I know…all the time.” We have moved forward, things are different, we certainly experience sadness from time to time, but now when it washes over us, like your story, it almost feels like a warm hug….

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  4. Hugs to you Dawn – love the photo of your mom in the very deep snow. So thankful everyday that I still have my parents. A friend of mine said the other day, “It would be nice if there could be visits from heaven.” Maybe that is what your mom moment was.

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  5. You had such a sweet Mom! No wonder you miss her! I barely knew her, and I miss her, too!

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    • Yes you did meet her didn’t you. I remember running into you and your Dad at the Okemos Meijer parking lot near the end of our time at MSU…and I can’t remember…did you come over to the house?

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  6. My mother is still very much alive, age 90, so I have not yet had to face that loss, but I do feel for yours, Dawn, and am glad you find the comfort in the feeling of missing her. That makes sense to me. I have those feelings about my grandmother and about a couple of close friends. It is lovely to dream of them and wake up feeling we’ve had a wonderful visit.

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  7. Mom and I always thought she’d live till at least 90..her mother lived into the mid 90’s. We sort of played with the idea of her living with me when she needed to do that. She said she guessed she could live in the cold north again as long as she didn’t have to go outside if she didn’t want to! lol. sigh. I sort of figured by then I could move south. Wish it had turned out that way, but on the other hand she didn’t have to go through a long illness. I’m grateful for that.

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  8. memories have the oddest way of inserting themselves when we least expect them – but thank goodness we have them!

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  9. I haven’t lost a close family member, but did lose a good friend 2 years back, and I still have those moments of “Steph would like to know about that…” with the little thud in the gut when I remember. It’s amazing how much of our lives and thoughts and feelings are twined up with other beings. It’s good in that it means we’re connected.

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  10. My mother has been gone for over 18 years Dawn and I still have my “mum moments”. Just last year, as I was driving along the road where I would have turned off to go and visit her, a road I travel along often, I felt a massive urge to call in and say hello….

    I believe our souls are eternal, they never die, and the souls of our loved ones remain with us. Always keep your heart open to mum and dad moments Dawn, they will appreciate it. 🙂

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  11. I get to spend three days with my 85-year-old mom in a couple weeks–taking her to visit her 90-year-old sister in Maryland. I will cherish every moment.

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